No wonder Simon wants to leave American Idol.

Over the years, I have almost completely avoided the early weeks of the show, preferring, you know, to have a life, and instead tune in once the 12 finalists have been chosen. I also skip football exhibition games, preseason basketball, and undercooked poultry. But this year, maybe because of all of the comings and goings and the sense that Season 9 may in fact be the last year of Idol as we have known it, it seemed like time to settle in for the long haul. It's a decision that I am already regretting.

“The road to Hollywood stretches for thousands of miles,” announced Ryan Seacrest, confirming my worst fears as the auditions began in Boston. One problem with last night’s show was that in the fast-moving new world of Planet Idol, it was already ancient history. The Boston auditions took place in June; Paula Abdul left in August, Ellen DeGeneres wasn’t named a judge until September, and of course Simon Cowell announced he was out this past Monday. The little preamble about Paula and Ellen hardly brought the show up to date, meaning that what we saw last night was a snapshot of Pompeii before it erupted. Me, I’d kind of like to see a bit more about the eruption itself, especially because the biggest explosion happened this week.

If nothing else, and considering how much money Idol brings in for Fox, would it have been so hard to get Ryan to record some kind of quick addendum about Simon just to bring the show, if not necessarily we the Tweeted, up to date? And an even bigger question: Why is Victoria Beckham so scary?

When I saw that it was raining in Boston, I had hope that a fast-moving laryngitis pandemic might thin the field of contestants, cut short the show, and let me switch over to the DVR and Southland. But no such luck. The heavily edited floodgates opened and in flowed a few of the truly talented, the hopeful if musically challenged, and the self-styled superfreaks looking for a bit of air time. Granted, there were a few surprises, I mean I genuinely didn’t expect to hear a 16-year-old girl on Idol sing a Leonard Cohen song, much less sing it beautifully and from the depths of her soul. I also really want to ride that Codzilla boat the next time I’m in Boston.